 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897   
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My wife doesn't think I can mend our electric shower. Well, she's in for a shock!
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25th Nov 2016 1:09pm |
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| RFT Member Since: 13 Nov 2010 Location: Cheshire Posts: 674  
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BP Man,
I am back down in Reading Tues to Thus in a constructibility review so if you could arrange for a daily feed of one liners to keep me sane it will be much appreciated and it will ensure that the rest of the Project Team continue to think that I am a bit mad (and they would not be wrong!) Richard PS I am going by train so so no "130 Spotting" opportunities for you southerners 130 Puma HCPU with an Artica 240LR Demountable Camper |
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25th Nov 2016 2:08pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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"Doctor, I appear to be having some difficulty hearing properly".
"Can you describe the symptoms?" "Homer's a fat bald bloke & Marge has blue hair" |
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26th Nov 2016 1:23pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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What is everyone using to scrape ice off their windscreen?
This morning I used a discount card from my wallet, but it was no good. I only got 20% off. |
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1st Dec 2016 2:04pm |
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| gilarion Member Since: 05 Dec 2013 Location: Wales Posts: 5084  
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Classic Laurel and Hardy joke
Oliver Hardy. Didn’t you once tell me you had an uncle Stan Laurel. Sure, I’ve got an uncle, why? Oliver, now were getting somewhere. Is he living? Stanley. No. He fell through a trap door and broke his neck Oliver. Was he building a house? Stanley. No, they were hanging him. For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at.. http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1 |
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12th Dec 2016 6:02pm |
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| David T Member Since: 01 Sep 2016 Location: North Yorkshire Posts: 190 
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machine I've just invented a rudimentary time
my shoulder's killing me, I've just spent all afternoon trying to throw an old boomerang away. a lion and a horse in a restaurant lion, " two prawn cocktails to start, please " waiter, " what about your mains? " lion " I'll have a brush, he just needs a comb " |
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17th Dec 2016 11:38pm |
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| Alien Member Since: 18 Jan 2015 Location: Bacchus Marsh Posts: 230 
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Did you know there is a special word for a boomerang that doesn't come back?
It's called a stick  Cheers,
Kyle. |
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17th Dec 2016 11:54pm |
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| JWL Member Since: 26 Oct 2011 Location: Hereford Posts: 3443 
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What is this Country coming to? After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
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20th Dec 2016 9:24pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897
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He's a mortician on another forum
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21st Dec 2016 12:36am |
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| JWL Member Since: 26 Oct 2011 Location: Hereford Posts: 3443
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Well I come from a farming background Laurie, I haven't had much to do with funeral directors as I came from a small family
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21st Dec 2016 12:58am |
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| Merlin Member Since: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Newmarket Posts: 980
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Christmas Joke Time
What's got a bottom at the top? Legs |
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21st Dec 2016 5:39pm |
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| Wild Card 90 Member Since: 03 Dec 2014 Location: Gerlingen Posts: 1060 
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A vacationing penguin is driving his Defender through Arizona
 when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees a trail of oil under the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. However, having no hands, the penguin makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up from behind the hood at the penguin and says "It looks like you´ve blown a seal." "No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream." 1998 Tdi 90 SW,
2008 Td4 90 SW, 2012 2.2 90 SW, 2" raised Trailmaster/Terrafirma Heavy Track Raids, 255 MT´s, Recaro CS´s, anorak, wellingtons |
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22nd Dec 2016 6:18pm |
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| rossy Member Since: 29 Nov 2010 Location: Co. Roscommon Posts: 1296  
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A widow went to see her recently deceased husband laid out at the funeral parlour. She noticed that they had dressed him in a blue suit. " He hated blue - have you got anything else ?" she asked. "I'll see what we can do" replied the funeral director.
Next day she popped in again and was met by the funeral director with a respectful smile. "We had a bit of luck madam. Another chap passed away and his wife didn't like his grey suit so all we had to do was swap the heads " . |
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22nd Dec 2016 8:50pm |
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| VeeTee Member Since: 06 Mar 2011 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1512 
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Cheers, Vincent
1959 Polynorm 1/4 Ton Trailer, Olive Drab Green (sold) 1970 M416 Military Trailer (Camping Trailer Conversion), Epsom Green (sold) 1975 Series III 88 V6, Light Green (sadly sold) 1996 Defender 110 CSW 300 Tdi, Epsom Green (sold) 2000 Freelander 1 TD4 3-drs, Silver (sold) 2006 Freelander 1 TD4 5-drs Facelift Automatic, Tonga Green (sold) MySite |
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23rd Dec 2016 9:16pm |
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