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| farmer giles Member Since: 09 Feb 2011 Location: worcestershire Posts: 1299  
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1. Oldie but, I think, goodie.....
ECONOMICS EXPLAINED WITH COWS SOCIALISM You have two cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why your cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters Of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights for six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with ten cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. THE ANDERSEN MODEL You have two cows. You shred them. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow but produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have two cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you, but you get to charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation, and run him Over with a tank in a large open square area. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the hell out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.  |
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18th Sep 2012 3:37pm |
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| rossy Member Since: 29 Nov 2010 Location: Co. Roscommon Posts: 1296  
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And to add..
THE IRISH CORPORATION. You have two cows. You want 10 cows so you borrow the money for 8 more. You then realise you can't pay your debt , saying 'hey its not my fault that I got ambitious and greedy.' A nice man from the IMF pays it for you and then sends the bill to your children, grand children and great grandchildren who will all end up paying heavily for your cows but who cares - you get to keep the cows ! |
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18th Sep 2012 9:09pm |
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