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Doc P



Member Since: 03 Apr 2016
Location: Midlands
Posts: 565

United Kingdom 2013 Defender 110 Puma 2.2 XS CSW Firenze Red
ZeDefender wrote:
A man goes to his doctor for a checkup. With a solemn face, the doctor tells him he's got a terminal illness.
Shocked, the man tearily asks how long he's got left.
The doctor says "5".
Puzzled, the man says "5 what - years, months, weeks?"
Then the doctor says
"4"
"3"
"2"...


I need to use that one at work Laughing
Post #809032 6th Jan 2020 4:56pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 4908

United Kingdom 
Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.
“I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.
“I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home.
“I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.” Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #812114 27th Jan 2020 12:41am
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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 4430

Ireland 
Question: How do you get rid of pubic hair?
Answer: Spit, Spit, Spit….. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai
Post #812881 31st Jan 2020 3:34pm
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ericvv



Member Since: 02 Jun 2011
Location: Near the Jet d'Eau
Posts: 5816

Switzerland 2009 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SVX Station Wagon Santorini Black
One for this bright ‘n sunny Friday 31-01-2020 Cool

Nigel Farage goes into his pub and asks for a pint.
The barman draws it & throws it into his face.
“Why did you do that?” Nigel asks.
“'You asked for a pint,” the barman says. “But you didn't say how you wanted it delivered.”
Farage replies: “Okay, I’ll have a pint in a pint glass”
“No. You can't ask again.,” the barman says.
“Why not?” Farage asks.
“Democracy,” the barman replies.

 You never actually own a Defender. You merely look after it for the next generation.
http://youtu.be/yVRlSsJwD0o
https://youtu.be/vmPr3oTHndg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GtzTT9Pdl0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABqKPz28e6A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLZ49Jce_n0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvAsz_ilQYU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8tMHiX9lSw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dxwjPuHIV7I
https://vimeo.com/201482507
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSixqL0iyHw
Post #812889 31st Jan 2020 4:43pm
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Adammacky



Member Since: 28 Dec 2019
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 309

United Kingdom 
Being a chef i have a few food related jokes that us dirty minded lot would like to share...

Why did the baker have smelly hands...?
... because he 'kneaded' a pooh! Rolling with laughter

Whats the difference between a chickpea and a kidney bean...?
... I've never had a kidney bean on my face! Cool

Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam...?
... i cant peanut butter my c**k up a girls arse! Embarassed

Appreciate they may not be to everyones taste but i think they are hilarious Laughing
Post #812920 31st Jan 2020 6:43pm
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ericvv



Member Since: 02 Jun 2011
Location: Near the Jet d'Eau
Posts: 5816

Switzerland 2009 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SVX Station Wagon Santorini Black
Post #812925 31st Jan 2020 7:14pm
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ericvv



Member Since: 02 Jun 2011
Location: Near the Jet d'Eau
Posts: 5816

Switzerland 2009 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SVX Station Wagon Santorini Black
Post #812928 31st Jan 2020 7:19pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 4908

United Kingdom 
just a few sunderland words you lads to learn that are half way down the country Very Happy

Dinnit or divvent (for do not or don't), as in "dinnit dee that".
Wee or whee for who: as in "Whee said that?" ("Who said that?")
Whey or wey for why: "Whey nar!" ("Why no!")
Tee for to in some constructions: "Where yae gawn tee?" ("Where are you going to?")
Wu or wa for we: "Wu knew wu'd win" ("We knew we'd win").
Is or es for me: "Tell es what ya think" ("Tell me what you think") Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #813589 4th Feb 2020 5:25pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 4908

United Kingdom 
a riddle for you lot

Two fathers and two sons go fishing together in the same boat. They all catch a fish but the total catch for the day is three fish. How is this possible? Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #814852 12th Feb 2020 11:38pm
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blackwolf



Member Since: 03 Nov 2009
Location: South West England
Posts: 16809

United Kingdom 2007 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 DCPU Stornoway Grey
Grandfather, father, and son. Simple.
Post #814853 12th Feb 2020 11:44pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 4908

United Kingdom 
It’s a little known fact that Switzerland still has National Service. If during a male’s service,he meets a girl,gets engaged and married during his 2 years service,the army pays for the entire wedding,church,reception etc.Once married,the lady is then his Swiss army wife. Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #816087 20th Feb 2020 12:26am
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gilarion



Member Since: 05 Dec 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 5084

Wales 2007 Defender 90 Other CSW Trident Green

Click image to enlarge
 For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at..

http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1
Post #816433 22nd Feb 2020 5:12pm
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williamthedog



Member Since: 29 Dec 2012
Location: south wales
Posts: 3441

2011 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 PU Tamar Blue
^^ I like it.👍
Post #816472 22nd Feb 2020 8:50pm
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Avelingporter



Member Since: 25 Jan 2016
Location: Southampton
Posts: 397

United Kingdom 2016 Defender 90 Puma 2.2 HT Corris Grey
ITALIAN WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me..It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less.She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family .'

And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Post #816508 23rd Feb 2020 8:15am
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Muddybigdog



Member Since: 11 Apr 2014
Location: Suffolk
Posts: 989

United Kingdom 2007 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 XS CSW Zambezi Silver
2020 Holiday Snap


Click image to enlarge
 Jumped ship to reliability - Mitsubishi L200
Puma 90 XS - Sold
D3 - 2.7 S x2 (both Sold)
Freelander 2 HSE - Sold
Freelander 1 - Sold
Disco 2 - Sold
Post #817965 3rd Mar 2020 9:40am
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