 | Home > Off Topic > Joke of the day ... (beat this) |
 
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| gilarion Member Since: 05 Dec 2013 Location: Wales Posts: 5084   
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Is it true that Yoko Ono is going into the jungle Celebrity Get Me out of Here? If so she should be OK as she has been living off dead Beatles for years For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at..
http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1 |
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9th Nov 2016 7:29pm |
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| sharkey964 Member Since: 05 Oct 2014 Location: On a muddy track Posts: 570  
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PMSL |
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9th Nov 2016 7:50pm |
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| mattlab Member Since: 16 May 2011 Location: suffolk Posts: 143  
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 Click image to enlarge LIFE`S TOO SHORT TO DRIVE A BORING VEHICLE |
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9th Nov 2016 11:17pm |
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| mattlab Member Since: 16 May 2011 Location: suffolk Posts: 143
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LIFE`S TOO SHORT TO DRIVE A BORING VEHICLE |
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9th Nov 2016 11:19pm |
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| Rickydodah Member Since: 14 Jul 2014 Location: East Sussex Posts: 1091 |
An old blind cowboy strolls into a bar one day. Without knowing it, he has actually entered an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He wanders over to a bar stool and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels. He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender. “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” At that point the entire bar falls deadly silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club. 3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.” I started with nothing and still have most of it left! |
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13th Nov 2016 11:06am |
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| ian series 1 Member Since: 17 Nov 2014 Location: south Posts: 3127  
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The missus asked me what I was doing on the computer? I told her I was looking for cheap flights. "I love you" she said ,then she got all excited, un-zipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing
 ever.... which is odd, because shes never shown an interest in darts before.....!! 80" 80" 86" 88" 90"
Wanted, Forward Control Anything considered. |
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15th Nov 2016 5:13pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069 
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The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did. Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador . "Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind" Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up! I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p* nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg". I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.... I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!! My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead. I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.' On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?' |
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16th Nov 2016 7:52am |
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| RoddyK05 Member Since: 08 Apr 2015 Location: Inverclyde Posts: 633  
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^^^ Belters, every one
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16th Nov 2016 7:58am |
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| RED-DOT Member Since: 29 Jun 2009 Location: stirling Posts: 2363
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Have to agree!
 2008 RS4 gone, 123d M Sport, and a Puma 90 XS.. |
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17th Nov 2016 11:42am |
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| shaggydog Member Since: 12 Aug 2012 Location: Kent Posts: 3346 
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Fantastic bpman
 Running Restoration Thread http://www.defender2.net/forum/post323197.html#323197
Self confessed mileage hunter  |
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17th Nov 2016 2:04pm |
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| bm52 Member Since: 04 Apr 2010 Location: Kent Posts: 2189 
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Cheered me up. Stuck on a slow train at the moment
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17th Nov 2016 2:19pm |
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| bpman Member Since: 21 May 2008 Location: Oslo Posts: 8069
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I was out with work last night, project architect sprayed larger at finance exec when I told the Thai girl joke ...
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17th Nov 2016 3:01pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897 
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Trump must be a Mac user...
Because he's definitely not PC. |
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18th Nov 2016 12:49pm |
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| RFT Member Since: 13 Nov 2010 Location: Cheshire Posts: 674 
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BP man,
Just been at a model review at FW offices in Reading, (not that sort of model), at a dull period I read your post. I think one of the FW guys thinks I have emotional issues as I had to wipe my eyes & I was shaking whilst reviewing the layout of a control valve set. Thank you Richard 130 Puma HCPU with an Artica 240LR Demountable Camper |
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18th Nov 2016 2:49pm |
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