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TooTall



Member Since: 10 Jul 2012
Location: Fens
Posts: 504
United Kingdom 2004 Defender 90 Td5 HT Tonga Green
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the petrol pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He nearly killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.' "Ease your worries, Clear-up your woes,
Go into your garage & put stuff into rows."
Post #195918 23rd Dec 2012 8:31am
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GREENI



Member Since: 22 Aug 2010
Location: staffs
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United Kingdom 
Rolling with laughter
Post #195932 23rd Dec 2012 9:49am
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Killer90
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Member Since: 09 Oct 2011
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United Kingdom 2016 Defender 110 Puma 2.2 XS DCPU Fuji White
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Post #195944 23rd Dec 2012 11:15am
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party monkey



Member Since: 31 Dec 2010
Location: Oxon.
Posts: 1311
England 2005 Defender 110 Td5 XS CSW Cairns Blue
Had a Tesco burger for tea last night..... Didn't half give me the trots this morning Jon - 110 td5 [sold]. Currently Defenderless.
Post #202349 16th Jan 2013 3:47pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897
England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
party monkey wrote:
Had a Tesco burger for tea last night..... Didn't half give me the trots this morning

Did it leave a bit between your teeth? 
Post #202351 16th Jan 2013 4:00pm
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TR51



Member Since: 17 Apr 2012
Location: Dorset UK
Posts: 333
France 2014 Defender 110 Puma 2.2 SW Corris Grey
Laughing
Just been to Tescos and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lamb's and a burger...

So that's white rum, Navy rum and Red Rum Whistle
Post #202353 16th Jan 2013 4:07pm
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JWL



Member Since: 26 Oct 2011
Location: Hereford
Posts: 3443
England 2002 Defender 110 Td5 SW Coniston Green
There's getting a few about now;

Opened the fridge to check on my burgers aaaaaaannd they're off!

I asked the girl at Tescos which wine went best with the burgers, she pointed me in the direction of some Red Rum.

Doctors say a man admitted to hospital with food poisoning due to eating too many Tesco Burgers, they say he is in a stable condition.

I did some Tescos home shopping, highlighted some burgers then pressed "Add to cart".

Anyone out there want to get a new toy for their daughter........My Lidl pony.
Post #202354 16th Jan 2013 4:13pm
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MartinK



Member Since: 02 Mar 2011
Location: Silverdale (Lancashire/Cumbria Border)
Posts: 2665
United Kingdom 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 USW Orkney Grey
Had two Tesco burgers last night and it gave me the trots…

Whistle Defender "Puma" 2.4 110 County Utility (possibly the last of the 2.4's)
Post #202430 16th Jan 2013 8:49pm
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rossy



Member Since: 29 Nov 2010
Location: Co. Roscommon
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Ireland 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 CSW Stornoway Grey
Oh rats !
I've just signed on with the intention of telling the same horsey jokes thinking I'd be original and funny and you've beat me to it JWL ! Laughing
Post #202431 16th Jan 2013 8:51pm
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JWL



Member Since: 26 Oct 2011
Location: Hereford
Posts: 3443
England 2002 Defender 110 Td5 SW Coniston Green
That's praise itself from the man from the land of Tescos beef. You could say I beat you by a short head Whistle
Post #202438 16th Jan 2013 9:14pm
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party monkey



Member Since: 31 Dec 2010
Location: Oxon.
Posts: 1311
England 2005 Defender 110 Td5 XS CSW Cairns Blue
And it continues....

When I checked with Tescos earlier on what price their burgers where now at, I was given 14-1.

Still, despite all this adverse publicity we should remember that their burgers are low in fat but surprisingly high in Shergar. Jon - 110 td5 [sold]. Currently Defenderless.
Post #202458 16th Jan 2013 10:28pm
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custom90



Member Since: 21 Jan 2010
Location: South West, England.
Posts: 20821
United Kingdom 
JWL wrote:

Anyone out there want to get a new toy for their daughter........My Lidl pony.

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter _\Hennessey|Venom| F5/___
___\â­ï¸Lone|Star|State/___
____\We|Will|Win/___
____/🇬🇧🇺🇸\____
_//*⛽ï¸ðŸ›¢ï¸âš™ï¸ðŸ§°*\\_
Post #202461 16th Jan 2013 10:43pm
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Lou Sparts



Member Since: 15 Apr 2012
Location: Kent
Posts: 1501
United Kingdom 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Zambezi Silver
My mate asked me what my favourite mythical creature was,those happy women in the tampax advert i replied ! 2005 Td5 90 XS

Steve
Post #202466 16th Jan 2013 10:51pm
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rossy



Member Since: 29 Nov 2010
Location: Co. Roscommon
Posts: 1296
Ireland 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 CSW Stornoway Grey
JWL wrote:
That's praise itself from the man from the land of Tescos beef. You could say I beat you by a short head Whistle


Neigh worries Thumbs Up
Post #202495 17th Jan 2013 1:18am
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Nickwill



Member Since: 19 Oct 2012
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 22
 2007 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 XS CSW Stornoway Grey
Look on the bright side, Just been looking at the labels on Tesco burgers and it turns out they are fairly low in fat, but surprisingly high in Shergar
Post #202508 17th Jan 2013 8:49am
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