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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
FACT: All castles have one major weakness - the enemy can get in through the gift shop. 
Post #721209 3rd Aug 2018 10:48am
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ian series 1



Member Since: 17 Nov 2014
Location: south
Posts: 3127

United Kingdom 2008 Defender 90 Puma 2.4 CSW Bonatti Grey
Laughing 80" 80" 86" 88" 90"

Wanted, Forward Control Anything considered.
Post #721211 3rd Aug 2018 10:58am
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
“It’s a boy!”, I shouted with tears rolling down my face.
“I don’t believe it, it’s a boy!”

It’s at that moment I decided I’d never visit Thailand again. 
Post #727131 4th Sep 2018 12:45pm
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Rashers



Member Since: 21 Jun 2015
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 3328

United Kingdom 2014 Defender 110 Puma 2.2 USW Corris Grey
Laughing
Post #727134 4th Sep 2018 1:10pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 4908

United Kingdom 
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO." Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #730537 22nd Sep 2018 6:30pm
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RoadForce



Member Since: 17 Jul 2014
Location: Holland
Posts: 323

Netherlands 2000 Defender 130 Td5 HCPU Coniston Green
I know Defenders aren't the quiettest of vehicles, but there's no need for shouting. We're not (all) deaf... Defender 130 HCPU Td5 MY2000
Post #731701 28th Sep 2018 4:53pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
I tried to get into a scifi convention the other day dressed as one of the Doctors.
I think the security realised I wasn't the real McCoy. 
Post #732096 30th Sep 2018 11:27pm
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300TDi CSW Phil



Member Since: 03 Apr 2016
Location: Bracknell
Posts: 746

United Kingdom 1995 Defender 110 300 Tdi CSW Epsom Green
I have just seen a scarecrow trying to masturbate. Poor thing was clutching at straws. 1995 300 Tdi Epsom Green - It's a keeper.
Wide Track Sankey- In bits- Gone to a new home
M0XQS
Post #732987 4th Oct 2018 8:06pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 4908

United Kingdom 

Click image to enlarge
 Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #738840 5th Nov 2018 7:03pm
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Yulong



Member Since: 18 Nov 2017
Location: Aberdeen
Posts: 110

United Kingdom 

Click image to enlarge
Post #743068 29th Nov 2018 9:50pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 4908

United Kingdom 
Shocked Laughing Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #743092 29th Nov 2018 11:50pm
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Yulong



Member Since: 18 Nov 2017
Location: Aberdeen
Posts: 110

United Kingdom 
A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll do you up the arse.” The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he said he would do.

After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad. He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.”

Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he’s really mad. He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?”
Post #743570 2nd Dec 2018 3:27pm
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Procta



Member Since: 03 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 4908

United Kingdom 
Laughing Defender TD5 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Success is 90% Inspiration and 4 minutes Preparation # you can make it!
Post #743627 2nd Dec 2018 8:49pm
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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 4428

Ireland 
Michael and Seamus were out in the Defender when Michael noticed that he was running low on Fuel.
"Better get some fuel" he said. It was a Puma and he didn't want to run out and have to bleed it etc etc.
As they were driving in to the pump Michael saw a sign that said
"Fill up and enter a competition for free sex"
So when he filled up and was paying for the fuel he asked about the competition for free sex.
The owner said all he had to do was to guess a number between 1 and 10 and if his guess coincided with the lucky number of the day he would get the free sex.
"6" said Michael.
"No" said the owner "Todays number is 5. Better luck next time".
So off went the two lads a little disappointed...as you would be.
Couple of weeks later the two boys arrived at the same fuel station for another fill up for the Defender. As he was paying Michael asked the owner if the competition for free sex was still running.
"Yes" said the owner "just guess the lucky number of the day."
"2" said Michael. "Unfortunately today's number is 3" said the owner and off went the two lads.
Driving out Seamus says to Michael "I think that competition is a con".
"Oh no it is genuine enough" said Michael "My wife won twice last month 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai
Post #748245 31st Dec 2018 12:54pm
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bpman



Member Since: 21 May 2008
Location: Oslo
Posts: 8069

2008 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 SVX Station Wagon Santorini Black
Cyber security tip: do not use “beef-stew” as your password in 2019, it’s not stroganoff Laughing
Post #748422 1st Jan 2019 7:38am
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