 | Home > Off Topic > Good jokes for Christmas |
 
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| LandRoverAnorak Member Since: 17 Jul 2011 Location: Surrey Posts: 11240   
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Cough, cough, splutter  Darren
110 USW BUILD THREAD - EXPEDITION TRAILER - 200tdi 90 BUILD THREAD - SANKEY TRAILER - IG@landroveranorak "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!" - Princess Leia |
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23rd Dec 2013 10:33pm |
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| Laurie Member Since: 22 Feb 2008 Location: Sussex, England Posts: 2897  
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23rd Dec 2013 11:00pm |
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| Lambley Member Since: 20 Apr 2013 Location: Mid Devon Posts: 1435 
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How do Snowmen get around in winter??
On 'Icycles' Get it? Icycles....... Sorry |
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23rd Dec 2013 11:10pm |
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| jhnstap Member Since: 01 Apr 2013 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 73 
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What would you get if all the cars in Britain were red?
A red carnation I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine Last edited by jhnstap on 24th Dec 2013 11:19am. Edited 1 time in total |
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24th Dec 2013 8:05am |
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| mk1collector Member Since: 17 Sep 2009 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 6769 
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^^^ that joke is only three posts up
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24th Dec 2013 10:05am |
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| jhnstap Member Since: 01 Apr 2013 Location: Bournemouth Posts: 73
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should have read a bit better whoops
 I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine |
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24th Dec 2013 11:14am |
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| GUM97 Member Since: 05 Feb 2012 Location: Cheshire Posts: 3555 
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Here's one that shouldn't be repeated in front of the family!!
 
The night before Xmas Throughout the house. Everyone was f***** Even the mouse. Dad at the brothel, ...Mum with frank, I'd settled down For a nice slow w*** Outside the house I heard a right clatter, I let go of my c*ck To see what was the matter. Out on the lawn I saw a big d*ck, I knew right away It was old St Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell. The big fat f****r, I think he fell. He filled all our stockings with sweets & beer, And a big rubber c*ck For my brother, the queer. He rose up the chimney With a thunderous fart, The big fat c*** Blew the house apart. He swore and he cursed As he rode out of sight, Shouting: I'll be back next year, Have a hell of a night.
(Credit to the D4 forum!) An engine to TDi for! "Land Rover- Proudly turning drivers into mechanics since 1948"  |
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24th Dec 2013 1:42pm |
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| GUM97 Member Since: 05 Feb 2012 Location: Cheshire Posts: 3555
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THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS
1: I prefer breasts to legs. 2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3: Smother the butter all over the breasts. 4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst! 5: I've never seen a better spread! 6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change. 7: Are you ready for seconds yet? 8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some! 10: Don't play with your meat! 11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go. 12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time! 14: You still have a little bit on your chin. 15: How long will it take after you put it in? 16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up. 17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang. 18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had! 19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning. 20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more An engine to TDi for! "Land Rover- Proudly turning drivers into mechanics since 1948" |
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24th Dec 2013 1:43pm |
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| custom90 Member Since: 21 Jan 2010 Location: South West, England. Posts: 19605
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Pete that is so very wrong!
Diesel$ Live$ Matter. ⛽ï¸ðŸ›¢ï¸ðŸ‘¨â€ðŸ”§ðŸ§°âš™ï¸ RED, WHITE & BOOST! 🇬🇧 |
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24th Dec 2013 1:47pm |
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| Smilesapart Member Since: 28 Sep 2013 Location: Suffolk Posts: 735
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These are great especially the adult ones
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24th Dec 2013 3:26pm |
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| party monkey Member Since: 31 Dec 2010 Location: Oxon. Posts: 1311 
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And my parting shot before the mammoth Christmas eve kids toy building exercise ...
Our local village panto had to be stopped last night after the leading man was continuously goosed by the somewhat camp panto villain... To be fair though, the audience did try to warn him. (That has been cleaned up considerably from the first time I posted that on this forum) Merry christmas all! Jon - 110 td5 [sold]. Currently Defenderless. |
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24th Dec 2013 9:29pm |
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| Smilesapart Member Since: 28 Sep 2013 Location: Suffolk Posts: 735
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Oh no they didn't
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24th Dec 2013 11:13pm |
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| Lou Sparts Member Since: 15 Apr 2012 Location: Kent Posts: 1501 
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I asked the wife what she wanted for Christmas " A divorce" she replied.
"I was,nt thinking of spending that much" I said. 2005 Td5 90 XS Steve |
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25th Dec 2013 10:27am |
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| Alicat Member Since: 25 Nov 2013 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 134
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Tampax have announced a special edition tampon for Xmas
They have replaced the string with a piece of tinsel. The marketing team have said the special edition is only available for the Christmas period. |
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25th Dec 2013 10:46am |
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