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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 2358

Ireland 
A different outlook

My mother in law passed on last week due to aggressive lymphoma. The day she died I was in attendance with other family members including my youngest daughter who has special needs. My daughter said she wanted to go home for a while so I brought her home. Soon after this the phone rang with the news that my mother in law had died.
I told my daughter and asked if she'd like to go back up and see granny.
"No" she said and ran down to her bedroom and returned with a photograph of granny at Christmas surrounded by family.
"This is Granny" she said. That was her way of coping with the loss.
She would not look at her granny in the coffin but kept her happy memories.
On the day of the funeral I helped carry the coffin and lower it into the grave. During the service, every so often I'd feel a hand on my shoulder and I'd look down at my daughter. She'd give me a big smile and a hug.
Once again my daughter proves that the "Lord giveth etc" but in my daughter's case she just "giveth and giveth and giveth...."
Anyway my mother in law was a classy lady about whom I cannot say a bad word. 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai

Post #701409 16th Apr 2018 11:25pm
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Siwynne



Member Since: 04 Nov 2016
Location: West lancs
Posts: 165

England 

My job is in education and care of children with special needs. I prefer to work with the mindset of “different need”. Although they need looking after in a different way they never cease to amaze me with their insight into situations we find difficult to cope with. Having a direct and straightforward yet sometimes socially awkward approach. We have much to learn about how we behave and express our emotions in public.
Your OP made me quite emotional in a sad yet happy way.

Post #701429 17th Apr 2018 7:22am
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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 2358

Ireland 

Thumbs Up 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai

Post #701515 17th Apr 2018 4:44pm
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Procta



Member Since: 04 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 1692

United Kingdom 1997 Defender 90 300 Tdi HT Baltic Blue

Very strong daughter you have Thumbs Up
Its very, very hard to say good bye. I had to do that with my granddad the day before he passed away. At the wake, my uncle was scoffing down the picked onions, As he is known to be greedy with food. My granddad called him gut buster. Anyway the vinegar had made him cough due to pickle onion squirting down his throat, Which made me laugh, and I looked around to tell me granddad but remembered it was his wake, So I recon it was me granddad getting the last laugh in Very Happy
Mind I made sure he had a cracking buffet for his wake, sad thing was all his pals had passed on, but with him been a member of the club we were hosting it at, I said let everyone have the rest of the grub. Thumbs Up
coming up to 10 years now that, If I could go back in time again, I would love to tell him some of the laughs I have had, as he used to have right old giggle at the things we used to at work. Very Happy
But one piece of advice my child hood hero said, " If you remember them, they are never really gone" Thumbs Up Defender 300 TDi 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Post #701520 17th Apr 2018 5:14pm
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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 2358

Ireland 

Very Happy Very Happy 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai

Post #701523 17th Apr 2018 5:41pm
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Mr Fox



Member Since: 10 Sep 2011
Location: Home Counties
Posts: 775

United Kingdom 1983 Defender 90 V8 Petrol ST Bronze Green

A very bittersweet story from the OP with great sentiment.

I’m on the same page as your daughter.

Awhile back my paternal Uncle passed suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 59. I was very close to him; he was like a second father to me.

My Aunt decided to have an open casket and viewing. My Dad asked me if I’d like to visit with my Uncle. I said I’d go with my Dad to the funeral home, to support him, but would rather not view my Uncle, so would wait outside.

We went down and my Dad came out and looked ashen. He has never been a very emotive man but he later said that the decision to view his brother was a mistake. In short, he wished he had just kept the vision he had of him in his mind rather than seeing him in the home because he just “didn’t look right.” This view was shared by most of the family, including my Aunt. I’m glad I went with my gut instinct and can’t help but think that the body is just a vehicle, what makes the person who they were ceases to be present once the body fails us.

Anyway OP, thank you for sharing.

Post #701530 17th Apr 2018 6:23pm
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Procta



Member Since: 04 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 1692

United Kingdom 1997 Defender 90 300 Tdi HT Baltic Blue

yeah its bad enough remembering how they went, and the seeing how they are after they passed. Best thing really is to remember them as the person they were before all went sour. Smile Defender 300 TDi 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Post #701566 17th Apr 2018 8:19pm
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Procta



Member Since: 04 Dec 2016
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 1692

United Kingdom 1997 Defender 90 300 Tdi HT Baltic Blue

spudfan wrote:
Very Happy Very Happy


I remember my granddad telling me a funny story about getting drunk, while he was in the air force. Their quarters hand been finished been built, so when they used to come back from been on the beer, The lads used to open the doors, on the second floor and just pee. As there wasn't a balcony installed yet, Anyway a few people said, that's a fine patch of grass growing there, directly underneath.
Anyway the habit installed, he was on leave and my uncle bill got my granddad very drunk, which put my granddad back on air force mode. He woke up the next morning, only to find a massive yellow mark , my grans nice freshly painted wall. He sharp twigged on, what had happened! He was that drunk, he thought he was back in the quarters and did all the actions of opening the doors and peeing out. Very Happy Defender 300 TDi 90 ---/--- Peugeot 306 HDI hatch back

Post #701572 17th Apr 2018 8:27pm
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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 2358

Ireland 

Mr. Green 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai

Post #701581 17th Apr 2018 8:32pm
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