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gilarion



Member Since: 05 Dec 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 5084

Wales 2007 Defender 90 Other CSW Trident Green
DAVID Beckham is celebrating: “57 days, 57 days!” he shouts happily.

Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: “Well, I’ve done this
jigsaw in only 57 days.”

“Is that good?” asks Posh.





“You bet,” says David. “It says 3 to 5 years on the box.” For those who like Welsh Mountains and narrow boats have a look at my videos and photos at..

http://www.youtube.com/user/conwy1
Post #600126 8th Feb 2017 4:38pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
Someone sent me a text earlier. All it said was 'agnb'.
I think that’s bang out of order. 
Post #600342 9th Feb 2017 12:25pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey

Click image to enlarge
 
Post #600632 10th Feb 2017 11:40am
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ARC99



Member Since: 19 Feb 2013
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 1831

United Kingdom 2008 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 USW Cairns Blue
Laughing Laughing Rolling with laughter Don't make old people mad.
We don't like being old in the first place,
so it doesn't take much to Censored us off.

Richard
Post #600636 10th Feb 2017 11:51am
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Vogler



Member Since: 02 Nov 2014
Location: Brussels
Posts: 309

Belgium 2015 Defender 110 Td5 HT Chawton White
Man has a horrific accident, and loses his left limbs and reproductive organs.
Unfortunately no donors were available, but a nearby zoo had to be cleared so the doctors resorted to some animals that had to be put asleep.
So Man ends up with the arm of a gorilla, leg of a cheetah and the trunk of a baby elephant for the crown jewels.

After a year of intense revalidation Man has a check-up and the doctors inquire to his condition.
'The arm is great,' Man said. 'Its strong and has long reach. I can do twice the work now. Dito for the leg: I'm' soo quick now that I can do even more work, and I beat marathon records.
The trunk however... It took the missus a while to get used to and we manage, but if only it would stop to pick up grass and stuff it up my ar$e!'
Post #600663 10th Feb 2017 1:35pm
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NickEJ



Member Since: 24 Nov 2012
Location: Ljubljana
Posts: 152

Slovenia 2004 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Galway Green

Post #600679 10th Feb 2017 3:29pm
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Swac3



Member Since: 21 Feb 2015
Location: Aberdeen
Posts: 363

Guy has an accident at work, the HSE rep calls his wife

HSE "Hi, your husband has had an accident at work today, he got his hand caught in one of the
machines and has serious injuries to one of his fingers, he may loose it."

Wife, "His whole finger!"

HSE Rep, "No, One of the other ones" 3 Landrovers
Post #600701 10th Feb 2017 4:59pm
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flydive



Member Since: 27 Aug 2015
Location: Lugano
Posts: 290

Switzerland 2015 Defender 90 Puma 2.2 Heritage Edition SW Grasmere Green




The simple, Scandinavian designed border wall (with a 5 year guarantee) is primarily made of pressboard with a birch effect and can be assembled with the help of a hex key. A 12,000 page instruction manual with easy-to-understand pictures makes construction child’s play – as long as there is not a single screw missing.

“However, assembly requires two people: one person can hold the wall while the second screws it together”, it states in IKEA’s offer.
The basic model of the wall is 33ft (10 m) tall and 1,954 miles (3,144 km) long, although the height and length can be extended as desired.

IKEA has already announced that it will design other products in the next few weeks that will be compatible with “Börder Wåll”. According to inside sources, this includes products such as the “Gåwk” watchtower and the “Råtåtåtåtåtå” spring-gun.
Post #600758 10th Feb 2017 7:32pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
My wife hates the way I make fun about her weight.
She really needs to lighten up. 
Post #602298 16th Feb 2017 3:50pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
My wife has left me because I'm too insecure.
No wait, she's back.
She just went to make a cup of tea. 
Post #603625 21st Feb 2017 3:21pm
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Silver Back



Member Since: 11 Jun 2015
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 405

United Kingdom 1998 Defender 110 300 Tdi HT Coniston Green
My girlfriend calls me a stalker.
Well, I call her my girlfriend...
Post #603665 21st Feb 2017 5:28pm
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Laurie



Member Since: 22 Feb 2008
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 2897

England 2005 Defender 90 Td5 XS CSW Bonatti Grey
A beautiful garden is the perfect example of God and Man working together in harmony.
Mind you, you should have seen the state of my garden when God was doing it by himself. 
Post #604165 23rd Feb 2017 12:46pm
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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 4430

Ireland 
Q "Why are you talking into the envelope?"
A "I'm sending a voice mail"
Whistle 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai
Post #609149 13th Mar 2017 2:41pm
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spudfan



Member Since: 10 Sep 2007
Location: Co Donegal
Posts: 4430

Ireland 
The three bears...the real story
Baby bear comes down and looks in his empty porridge bowl and says
"Who's been eating my porridge?"
Daddy bear comes down and looks in his empty porridge bowl and says
"Who's been eating my porridge?"
Mammy bear comes out from the kitchen and shouts at the two boys
"I HAV'NT MADE IT YET" 1982 88" 2.25 diesel
1992 110 200tdi csw -Zikali
2008 110 2.4 tdci csw-Zulu
2011 110 2.4 tdci csw-Masai
Post #615029 6th Apr 2017 9:36pm
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stanley



Member Since: 18 Sep 2009
Location: Dorset /hampshire
Posts: 1025

United Kingdom 2011 Defender 110 Puma 2.4 USW Orkney Grey
The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M4 near Bridgend recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry"
Post #615164 7th Apr 2017 3:24pm
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